I felt rage, I felt disgust, I felt empathy and compassion and wanting to hug little you and keep you safe. Ugh. This is painful and you just bared your soul on the essay.
I have to say though… the fact that you included the screenshots of the letters omg girrrrllllll…
But I’m glad this is giving you some closure or at least someone whose father has also done the same … they don’t feel so alone. Xx
I came here, to writing, to release these moments from my head. Things that swirl around in the background, thankfully no longer the foreground.. but the process of really confronting my lifelong anxiety has told me there was more here to say. I hope these stories of my life not only help me but maybe resonate in small corners of other’s hearts that their pain too deserves to be seen.
June. The vulnerability & disclosure here is probably the most I've seen on here; it's wild. Even wilder are the experiences you've had. As someone who also had a very particular father, & consequently a particular daughter-father relationship; this really resonated in some ways.
& in other ways, it really made me want to rush over & give you a very very very tight hug. I hope having written this & putting it all out like this, that it helped you somewhat process things; that it was, in a sense, therapeutic.
Glad to see that you & your sister have each other. ♡
For years I shouted into his void - then, I tried working within it. I wrote emails (his preferred medium of contact lol), I took all emotion out of the equation and presented him what he knew to be fact. Nothing.
Then I found those insane letters.
It was rage and closure all at the same time. I hid them from P because, that’s her mother he’s talking to in them (poor P).
As I was writing my piece, the unseen and the seen, my dad tried to call me. The reaction was a visceral no.
Writing that brought me back to the pain of the time and his part in it. So I wrote here everything I wished he could hear and understand.
I will always show up here with the utmost vulnerability that I have available. My promise to my readers!
I’m sorry and I am grateful that this resonated with you. I send you and your inner child a hug!
Wow June this really is so very vulnerable. You didn’t deserve to go through the thick of their decisions. I feel both empathy and rage, being able to relate to the type of psychological warfare that comes with having to develop around a narcissist. I really felt when you said: “You had abandoned yourself long before I ever existed. How then could you have ever shown up for me?”. It’s a hard realization for us daughters that there’s only so much we can do or say to get through to a grown man or find emotional understanding. We all have to make our own choices. Where there’s a narcissist, there’s always an enabler and in a family dynamic the children bear a lot of the suffering. As you say, I see you. I can see that with or without that awful woman, his own internal conflicts ran deep, and that is not your fault. You have a right to all the things you’ve felt and feel. You’re also a really caring sister and your photos are heartfelt. Your writing tells me that you’re brave, strong, intelligent, thoughtful and sweet. I know it may not always feel like it, but know that you’re currently breaking generational trauma and I respect that so much. Keep going June 💌
the pictures were so sweet. beautiful beautiful writing, forever obsessed with the way you’re able to translate traumas into art that feels comforting to a reader who’s also hurting 💘
phenomenal, as always. reading “you certainly didn’t have to try as hard as you both did to bring me into the world” made my heart truly ache for you. my dad is my best friend so i just cannot imagine the pain of your own father mistreating you so poorly, and enabling somebody else to abuse you right in front of him. i feel your empathy creating a battle for you, particularly when you discussed how his mother treated him poorly. but the bottom line is, we’re all responsible for our own mental health and there’s no excuse for anybody to allow our poor mental state put others (especially children) in harm. you always deserved better and i hope one day, it doesn’t feel so heavy 🤍
Thank you, Olivia! This comment made me feel so seen… my dad and I have had good moments but they were fleeting and when many of these things became more known, they felt deceptive as well.
He is truly a complicated individual, I still take his calls and would be there if he needed me, but I can feel the weight of truly unbalanced compromise in my bones whenever we speak too. My sister, P, lives with him right now and I see her grapple with the same thing. My heart aches for her too, but we are all of the better and stronger for our experiences. 🩷🩷🩷
I felt rage, I felt disgust, I felt empathy and compassion and wanting to hug little you and keep you safe. Ugh. This is painful and you just bared your soul on the essay.
I have to say though… the fact that you included the screenshots of the letters omg girrrrllllll…
But I’m glad this is giving you some closure or at least someone whose father has also done the same … they don’t feel so alone. Xx
oooh thank you!!! had to include receipts 😉
I came here, to writing, to release these moments from my head. Things that swirl around in the background, thankfully no longer the foreground.. but the process of really confronting my lifelong anxiety has told me there was more here to say. I hope these stories of my life not only help me but maybe resonate in small corners of other’s hearts that their pain too deserves to be seen.
June. The vulnerability & disclosure here is probably the most I've seen on here; it's wild. Even wilder are the experiences you've had. As someone who also had a very particular father, & consequently a particular daughter-father relationship; this really resonated in some ways.
& in other ways, it really made me want to rush over & give you a very very very tight hug. I hope having written this & putting it all out like this, that it helped you somewhat process things; that it was, in a sense, therapeutic.
Glad to see that you & your sister have each other. ♡
For years I shouted into his void - then, I tried working within it. I wrote emails (his preferred medium of contact lol), I took all emotion out of the equation and presented him what he knew to be fact. Nothing.
Then I found those insane letters.
It was rage and closure all at the same time. I hid them from P because, that’s her mother he’s talking to in them (poor P).
As I was writing my piece, the unseen and the seen, my dad tried to call me. The reaction was a visceral no.
Writing that brought me back to the pain of the time and his part in it. So I wrote here everything I wished he could hear and understand.
I will always show up here with the utmost vulnerability that I have available. My promise to my readers!
I’m sorry and I am grateful that this resonated with you. I send you and your inner child a hug!
Wow June this really is so very vulnerable. You didn’t deserve to go through the thick of their decisions. I feel both empathy and rage, being able to relate to the type of psychological warfare that comes with having to develop around a narcissist. I really felt when you said: “You had abandoned yourself long before I ever existed. How then could you have ever shown up for me?”. It’s a hard realization for us daughters that there’s only so much we can do or say to get through to a grown man or find emotional understanding. We all have to make our own choices. Where there’s a narcissist, there’s always an enabler and in a family dynamic the children bear a lot of the suffering. As you say, I see you. I can see that with or without that awful woman, his own internal conflicts ran deep, and that is not your fault. You have a right to all the things you’ve felt and feel. You’re also a really caring sister and your photos are heartfelt. Your writing tells me that you’re brave, strong, intelligent, thoughtful and sweet. I know it may not always feel like it, but know that you’re currently breaking generational trauma and I respect that so much. Keep going June 💌
Your comments always have me bawling you sweet soul, I am so lucky to have you here with me 🩷🩷🩷
🥹🫶 & ditto!
beautiful, vulnerable writing - thank you for sharing.
thank you for reading, this one was unplanned but playing in my head for the last few days so I decided to write it for myself 🩷
💌 (thank you for sharing June, I see myself in a lot of the things you write)
you have a beautiful soul that deserves to be seen
the pictures were so sweet. beautiful beautiful writing, forever obsessed with the way you’re able to translate traumas into art that feels comforting to a reader who’s also hurting 💘
thank you ah this is a dream to hear you have no idea
phenomenal, as always. reading “you certainly didn’t have to try as hard as you both did to bring me into the world” made my heart truly ache for you. my dad is my best friend so i just cannot imagine the pain of your own father mistreating you so poorly, and enabling somebody else to abuse you right in front of him. i feel your empathy creating a battle for you, particularly when you discussed how his mother treated him poorly. but the bottom line is, we’re all responsible for our own mental health and there’s no excuse for anybody to allow our poor mental state put others (especially children) in harm. you always deserved better and i hope one day, it doesn’t feel so heavy 🤍
Thank you, Olivia! This comment made me feel so seen… my dad and I have had good moments but they were fleeting and when many of these things became more known, they felt deceptive as well.
He is truly a complicated individual, I still take his calls and would be there if he needed me, but I can feel the weight of truly unbalanced compromise in my bones whenever we speak too. My sister, P, lives with him right now and I see her grapple with the same thing. My heart aches for her too, but we are all of the better and stronger for our experiences. 🩷🩷🩷
lovely, just lovely. We have very similar dads.