Dear June, my relationship has lost its luster.

"We live together but we couldn't be farther away from each other."

Dear June,

“Here goes, my relationship has lost its luster. We live together, but we couldn't be farther away from each other. Working with my friend has ruined our friendship because she's a terrible manager.”

This writer gave consent for their message to be shared and responded to publicly.

Dear friend,

Losing a loved one, in whatever way, is a terrible thing to experience. I am sorry to hear you are in the midst of drifting away from a person who, it sounds like, was once central to your life.

So much so that you built your life around theirs to an extent, it seems.

I honor and hold you in this time of confusion and grief.

I can acknowledge from experience the difficulties of both living and working with someone you care about. There is, then, both at home and at work, a tenuous hierarchy between you both, I imagine. One that didn’t just spring into being but has perhaps developed as circumstances have shaped you both in unexpected ways.

When friendships begin, they mostly start on equal footing. At least to some degree, as both parties must make certain concessions and adaptations in order to fit two mismatched lives together.

It’s never seamless, of course, because we humans are flawed. We live in a flawed system. We are forced to compete for resources that could (and should) be accessible to us in abundance. We are insecure, often seeing first in others the qualities we feel we lack.

And yet, to live is to love. We yearn for it. Like a vital nutrient, our bodies crave Love and the potent acceptance it offers.

Every relationship carries this potential. It’s why we form bonds and are drawn to people like moths to a flame. And this is why when it is good, it is great. And when it is bad, it is awful.

Because to get the love we so desperately desire, we must be vulnerable. It is the sacrifice real love demands in return for all it bestows.

It is why love hurts more than anything as it falls apart. As our ability to maintain consistent vulnerability wanes in the face of trial and conflict, so does the love it begets.

We slowly lose that acceptance and our ability to offer it back. Conditions seep in and weigh down what once was light and easy. The heft breeds resentment; the ever-growing distance allows comparison and strife to rise again like barriers between you both. The nervous system recognizes the need for caution in the face of this threat, and there you are.

Strangers to lovers.

To strangers again.

The only way back is to claw back instinct and again touch the vulnerability beneath. If not for this person’s sake, then certainly for your own. Ask yourself if this person can still be to you what they once were.

And if so, what conditions must change for you both to reignite the flame?

And if not, what conditions must change for your heart to move on and be free again?

When you have your answer, I caution you to act not.

Pause & sit with it first.

Reflect on it.

Feel it.

Ask yourself again.

Be curious about what either choice might look like when it comes time to act.

Be compassionate for yourself and for this person. There likely was no intent to harm on either side.

Be patient with your heart as it relearns how to trust.

Be confident that you deserve to heal and love again.

Be first to yourself what this friend has not recently been for you.

In that authenticity, bravery, and vulnerability, you will have your answer and know what to do with it.

with gratitude,

-June

I invite you to stay and be seen here.

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