This made me sad and furious at the same time. I can’t get over the fact that she thought that kind of control was somehow going to help. I had a dad who went along with my stepmother and never stood up for me either, so that part really hit me. Your situation was so much more extreme, and it made me angry for you. You had to hide because it wasn’t safe not to, and the people you should have been able to count on failed you. I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope writing it has given you even a little bit of relief.
It opened the wound but in it, I did find some release. Deeply complex dynamics created that situation, thank you from the bottom of my heart for feeling for me. I too feel for you 🩷
"it's hard to hit an invisible target." -- five words of the whole survival strategy; the way a child learns to disappear so completely that invisibility becomes the only power left -- I really felt that, brought up some memories; I felt all at once vindicated, angry, and really fucking sad, & somehow somewhere between devastation and awe -- sending you a hug & kudos to the courage it took to share this
I couldn’t not comment on the original after reading it on the open letters, i just had to come back because it genuinely sends shivers down me. our experiences are scarily similar. the feeling like being a pig fattened for the slaughter and faking the weight gain with water etc, but also my heart breaks for the way you were treated by D. you needed to be listened to, to have space to break and heal again, and instead you were just something to be ‘fixed’. i know this doesn’t mean much but i am so proud of the woman you have become and the kindness and growth you have shown despite the treatment you have received by those who should have protected you. you deserve to be seen, to be listened to, and i am so glad that you have this platform to do so. i know days will be tough but there is not a shadow of a doubt in me that you can’t overcome them.
I want so desperately to go back in time and hold younger June and tell her she doesn’t deserve this.
sorry this is so long and intense i just felt very emotional and proud and needed to let you know i’m always cheering you on in your corner <3
this means everything and more coming from you, my inner child reads these words with joy and feels the care she never got to see. thank you thank you thank you, your friendship is priceless to me, Ella!
I’m realizing as I get older that the parent dynamic of the controlling one and the passive one is way more common than I initially thought. This was a very layered read. I’m sure it took a lot of work to process all that trauma you’ve experienced and be able to simply share it with other people. I commend your courage to be almost inside out of your own identity and still choose to live. It’s a hard thing to do and here you are, doing it! Come get your flowers! x 💐 🌺 🌹 🌷 🪷
you write like a novelist, which makes it all the more haunting that to know that every word is true. I struggled similarly. my friends too. girlhood never leaves us and you capture that beautifully
Wow what a compliment I would never have expected to receive. 🩷 I am sorry you struggled in this way too, my heart reaches for your own and your friends. Girlhood is many things, not all of them fair or pretty, but it is at the end of the day a strength I like to think.
this was incredibly hard to read, not because of the writing but because of what you went through. i’m really glad you’re still here and that you wrote this.
Thank you for having the courage to write this. I’m a family therapist. I am sorry young you had to be subjected to a therapist who colluded with your dad and didn’t see you ✨🙏🏼 Beautifully written as horrifying as these years sound x
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece of writing. Despite having parents who are together, I can relate to the sense of longing for a family which feels more whole. Eating disorders bear an immense weight (pun not intended), and I am glad you are alive on the other side of it. 🫶
this is so beautiful. i teared up. as someone who is a child of divorce, and deals with a lot of the same issues - i felt so seen. Kudos to you for being so raw and honest
I'm glad this found you and helped you to feel seen. That alone makes everything I've ever experienced infinitely worth it. You always have a safe space here, Gabby!
June, I came here from another piece of writing from you and am deeply moved. I have the utmost respect for your transparency, honesty and vulnerability I see in this writing. Truly an astonishing piece. Reading the challenges you went through makes me emotional, but the fact that you persevered despite all the demons, makes me very happy. Glad to have the privilege of counting you into my circle here on Substack and looking forward to whatever you share next. All the best 💌
The feeling is overwhelmingly mutual, Matthias. Your writing inspires me. Your feedback here means the world to me. I can't wait to support each other in this journey!
This made me sad and furious at the same time. I can’t get over the fact that she thought that kind of control was somehow going to help. I had a dad who went along with my stepmother and never stood up for me either, so that part really hit me. Your situation was so much more extreme, and it made me angry for you. You had to hide because it wasn’t safe not to, and the people you should have been able to count on failed you. I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope writing it has given you even a little bit of relief.
It opened the wound but in it, I did find some release. Deeply complex dynamics created that situation, thank you from the bottom of my heart for feeling for me. I too feel for you 🩷
"it's hard to hit an invisible target." -- five words of the whole survival strategy; the way a child learns to disappear so completely that invisibility becomes the only power left -- I really felt that, brought up some memories; I felt all at once vindicated, angry, and really fucking sad, & somehow somewhere between devastation and awe -- sending you a hug & kudos to the courage it took to share this
I am sad and angry on behalf of my inner child too today. Thank you for the hug, I accept and return it 🫶
I couldn’t not comment on the original after reading it on the open letters, i just had to come back because it genuinely sends shivers down me. our experiences are scarily similar. the feeling like being a pig fattened for the slaughter and faking the weight gain with water etc, but also my heart breaks for the way you were treated by D. you needed to be listened to, to have space to break and heal again, and instead you were just something to be ‘fixed’. i know this doesn’t mean much but i am so proud of the woman you have become and the kindness and growth you have shown despite the treatment you have received by those who should have protected you. you deserve to be seen, to be listened to, and i am so glad that you have this platform to do so. i know days will be tough but there is not a shadow of a doubt in me that you can’t overcome them.
I want so desperately to go back in time and hold younger June and tell her she doesn’t deserve this.
sorry this is so long and intense i just felt very emotional and proud and needed to let you know i’m always cheering you on in your corner <3
this means everything and more coming from you, my inner child reads these words with joy and feels the care she never got to see. thank you thank you thank you, your friendship is priceless to me, Ella!
wow this was powerful and raw. im so angry at the adults in your life, im so sorry.
you are incredibly resilient. i hope you know that.
Thank you, friend, it was cathartic to write this. I went almost 10 years without talking about it to anyone…
I’m realizing as I get older that the parent dynamic of the controlling one and the passive one is way more common than I initially thought. This was a very layered read. I’m sure it took a lot of work to process all that trauma you’ve experienced and be able to simply share it with other people. I commend your courage to be almost inside out of your own identity and still choose to live. It’s a hard thing to do and here you are, doing it! Come get your flowers! x 💐 🌺 🌹 🌷 🪷
awww thank you SO SO much - for reading and sharing this space and this thoughtful comment with me
The movement from being made unseen to slowly learning how to see yourself again, its for me the deepest emotional force :)
Aw, thank you Monica.. always a work in progress but work infinitely worth doing
you write like a novelist, which makes it all the more haunting that to know that every word is true. I struggled similarly. my friends too. girlhood never leaves us and you capture that beautifully
Wow what a compliment I would never have expected to receive. 🩷 I am sorry you struggled in this way too, my heart reaches for your own and your friends. Girlhood is many things, not all of them fair or pretty, but it is at the end of the day a strength I like to think.
couldn’t agree more
this was incredibly hard to read, not because of the writing but because of what you went through. i’m really glad you’re still here and that you wrote this.
thank you, beyond words, for sharing your time and attention with my story. I am infinitely grateful!
Thank you for having the courage to write this. I’m a family therapist. I am sorry young you had to be subjected to a therapist who colluded with your dad and didn’t see you ✨🙏🏼 Beautifully written as horrifying as these years sound x
Thank you, this means so much.
Great read!
thank you so much for taking the time 🩷
so beautifully written, genuinely one of the most moving things i’ve read, i feel so privileged to have been able to read it 💕
I’m truly so privileged for you to have read it 🫶🥹
i’m so proud of you for getting through everything i’m happy you’re still here :)
thank you sweet human, as am I :)
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece of writing. Despite having parents who are together, I can relate to the sense of longing for a family which feels more whole. Eating disorders bear an immense weight (pun not intended), and I am glad you are alive on the other side of it. 🫶
thank you immensely for reading
this is so beautiful. i teared up. as someone who is a child of divorce, and deals with a lot of the same issues - i felt so seen. Kudos to you for being so raw and honest
I'm glad this found you and helped you to feel seen. That alone makes everything I've ever experienced infinitely worth it. You always have a safe space here, Gabby!
🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
June, I came here from another piece of writing from you and am deeply moved. I have the utmost respect for your transparency, honesty and vulnerability I see in this writing. Truly an astonishing piece. Reading the challenges you went through makes me emotional, but the fact that you persevered despite all the demons, makes me very happy. Glad to have the privilege of counting you into my circle here on Substack and looking forward to whatever you share next. All the best 💌
The feeling is overwhelmingly mutual, Matthias. Your writing inspires me. Your feedback here means the world to me. I can't wait to support each other in this journey!
❤️
And still, no one looked me in the eye. Thank you for your courage ... this is beautiful and brave.
I appreciate you more than I can say 🥹